July Eleven Twenty-Thirteen

July 11, 2013

It's July 11th and the year is now 2013. My iPhone calendar reminds me it's a special anniversary. 26 years ago, I could have never imagined...

On July 11, 1987 I was dressed in a tuxedo, standing at an alter in Butte, Montana, vowing to "Love, Honor, and Obey, 'till Death do us part..."  My bride that day was gorgeous. Her dress and glow just made her more gorgeous.  Now, I sit on the campus of Temple University in NE Philly, killing time until I can meet my nephew, Shawn. He wasn't even born the day I got married to Annette. Wow, I could have never imagined!

The idle time allows me to reflect back upon the 26 years since that magic day - the Ups and Downs, the Peaks and Valleys, Life and Death, Adventure and Routine and Boredom, Love and Loss and New Love and Break-ups, Marriage and Divorce, Success and Failure, Joy and Sorrow, Dark and Bright, Yin and Yang.

It's been quite a ride. There have been so many strange, odd, surprising twists and turns. My river journey through life has been unpredictable and uncharted. I've been changed by all the experiences and lessons learned. Since the wedding, 26 years has changed me in so many ways, most unexplainable. Yet, when I search deep within, there is also a core part of me that remains the same since birth, or at least my early manhood.

It's cliché but true, I am not a rich man by popular monetary standards, but I am rich with fond memories, escapades, and knowledge gained from the school of hard-knocks. I've travelled across this great country numerous times, always with my eyes wide open and my ear to the rail. You might say I've tried to live a bit of the song "This Land is Your Land, from California to the New York Islands..."  Seems I've always had a touch of Kerouac "On the Road" spirit and Springsteen "Born to Run" defiance.

I've come to value skill and craftsmanship and self-learning. I'm accomplished as a river-runner, musician, software engineer, accountant, and more. Jury is still out on my efforts as a Husband-Partner, Uncle, Brother, Fake-GramPa, Sage and Seeker. No doubt in my mind, I've failed far more often than I've succeeded. But, oh how sweet the hard-earned successes have been! Emerson was right about Self-Reliance. So too, Thoreau, about the healing power of nature for the soul. From Glacier to Yellowstone, to Grand Canyon, I’ve been to church.

At 18, I adopted some famous quotes as my mantras. They have all proven true and served me well.

* "Security depends not so much upon how much you have, as upon how much you can do without."

* "I went to the woods to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could learn what it had to teach and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."

* "I learned this, at least, by my experiment: That if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he will met with a success unexpected in common hours."

* "What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us."

Perhaps I was wise beyond my years, but more likely I was just lucky (and maybe a touch stubborn). I took these ideas seriously. I refused to dismiss these ideas easily. Rather, I set-out to understand them by trying to live them, just as I tried to live the Boy Scout law and motto as a boy. Now, some 37 years later, I can report them as TRUE, at least for me. They have helped, like a flashlight, lighting my path in dark, confusing times. They challenged me towards becoming my best self. Of course, your mileage may vary...

I've learned that when you are young, you often think you've got it all figured-out and planned. You might even believe that your own ability to plan and control and evade trouble will guide your future and destiny. This feeling is natural and good to have. It's essential to every great adventure that the hero has some idea of mission, direction, and required actions. But, as I am now old (older?), I have learned that you can only control a very small portion of your life-adventure. The rest forces you to react and adjust, usually at inconvenient moments.

It's an eternal frustration of the old that we cannot easily pass experiences and knowledge to the young, especially those we love and care most deeply about. If we're lucky, maybe we can guide or illuminate just a little, like a small flashlight with worn-down batteries. But, so often even that small attempt is not wanted or accepted. Sometimes it's simply that what we have most to give, at any moment, is not wanted or needed at that time. Best we can do is catch them when they fall and help them get back up again. And always, we can love, even when we don't understand or agree.